The Cookie Conspiracy Essay, Research Paper
The Cookie Conspiracy
A place of eternal happiness, so it seems. Though looks can be decieving, we have
never seen this place. It is a place we have only heard of, heard of the positive things,
heard of nothing but good and fuzzy stuff. But beneath the blanket of the fake, lies the
real side of this hellish port. A conspiracy so huge on it’s own people that it is truly
unfathimable to us as humans. I am talking about the Cookieland Government and the
genocide they are performing on it’s own citizens. Citizens who thought they were
seeking a new beginning are, in reality, meeting their painful doom.
Cookies, so it seems..are a tasty way to snack. But in the text ahead you will read
why those cookies really got to you, and where they thought they were going.
If you have paid attention to the news lately, you will know that many bad things
have been happening recently in Cookieland. Keebler Elves have been on strike, Oreo’s
aren’t just fun to twist, and Little Debbie has been on the rise and is taking away a majority
of business from these wonderful people. So, like immigrants back in the 1800’s, the
cookies want to get out of their homeland and onto a better place. So, this is where the
Cookieland Government comes into play. They have proposed a “plan” which reads as
”All cookies wanting to move away from Cookieland at this time of hardship are to
apply at the Central Government agencies. Upon approval, your cookie family (3
generations) Will be put in a three part boat, each part for a generation. From there you
will be shipped to a secluded place which we have designated for cookies at this time.
Cost is small, and you can stay as long as you want. So apply today!”
Up until now, many cookies have applied for what has been called a “glorious
oppurtunity”. But little do these cookies know what they are getting into… A survivor of
this madness explains his experience..
”They were so nice to us when we got on the boat. Mother A’Hoy sat in front,
and me being her son, I sat right behing her in the second part. The cover went on the
boat and we were off… But something was wrong, after a long trip the boat stopped and
the hood came off the boat. Our protective shield was removed and we were shoved into
this black hole. Many large white looking things took my family away, but I escaped
unscathed. Unfortunately, Mother A’Hoy didn’t survive…DAMN THOSE
So, I will explain to you this whole mess..and what the Government is really doing
to all of these innocent cookies..
So, when all of these hardships came about, many of the cookies wanted to leave,
thats when they go along with this scam put up by the government..But, here’s what really
The Cookies apply and all are accepted, no one goes away that applies. When
they are put onto this boat, the whole family goes. Cookies breed, it is a known fact….
Mothers have daughters, who have sons who are nephews who have daughters who have
other daughters…and so on and so on. These cookies want to stay together, they are
family. It’s only natural.
Here’s a diagram of the cookie’s boat.
- Generation 3 -
- Generation 2 -
- Generation1 -
When they get on, the protective shield is put on and then the cover goes on.
What you don’t know is that the protective shield is the sealed plastic wrapper and the
“cover” is the container. See, the Government of Cookieland is in on it with the
Governments of the world. They have made a deal where they trick the cookies into
believeing they are going to a better place, when in reality they are shipped off to markets,
convinience stores, etc. etc. etc…There they are bought and eaten, like cannabalized
slaves they die off slowly.
What does the Cookieland Government get out of this? Money, thats it. It is
needed, with the recent bout with Little Debbie, and they have found a way to get it. With
each boat of cookies, they recieve a set amount of predetermined money. This is a sadistic
effort to improve the economy in which they, themselves have destroyed. So, we see that
these cookies are innocent bystanders who are getting shafted. They do not deserve this,
they have been manipulated into this. It’s time to put a stop to it. Let’s all fight for these
poor lost souls.