Essay, Research Paper
Fighting Has Its Positive and Negative Views
On A Relationship
In response to George Bach’s claim, I confute that fighting under any circumstance is unwarranted and unhealthy. In order to have a healthy sexual relationship, there must be conflict and there must be love. Love and war go together hand in hand. A healthy sexual relationship consists of many factors, such as communication, love, and sex. And with these factors, fighting would often transpire due to differences that people tend to view differently. Fighting can be healthy and beneficial in a sexual relationship, but an overabundance can be detrimental to its survival.
According to George Bach’s rules on healthy fighting, some rules to consider when fighting are to leave out physical and emotional abuse. Although both are unacceptable behaviors, emotional abuse is the greater of the two evils. Physical abuse causes bodily injuries which may include broken bones and scars, however, they eventually will resolve with time. Emotional abuse, on the other hand, leaves no physical scars, but the mental anguish can last a lifetime leading to a vicious cycle with future relationships. It was also stated and recommended to not bring up issues in the past which have no relevance to the current argument. This type of fighting only makes more problems for the parties involved.
Prior to my present relationship, my ex-girlfriend would constantly bring up things I did in the past to an argument that we were having in the present. For example, I once brought up the idea that my ex-girlfriend go shopping with my best friend because I really like the way she dressed. Overtime, my ex-girlfriend began to develop thoughts and insecurities toward my best friend because she believed I put my best friend on a pedestal. This led to constant arguing and fights between us because in her mind, I was cheating on her and she had no trust in me. Eventually, my ex-girlfriend and I talked about our problem and she realized that she was acting irrational with the whole situation. Our relationship, with time, began to get back on track. One day, while we were arguing about me spending too much time my male friends, she would bring up my best friend and say that I was not really spending time with my male friends, but cheating on her with my best friend. This came up on numerous arguments, which eventually drove me away from our relationship. This type of fighting and arguing can only bring a relationship to its demise.
Communication is what builds a foundation to a relationship. Without communication, there is no relationship. While some people have the exceptional ability to communicate with their partner, others are inept at this art. On a personal note, I consider myself to be a person who has the ability to communicate effectively due to my understanding that communication is key to a successful relationship. In regards to the relationship I have with my girlfriend, I consider us both to be strong communicators. If we were to be involved in an argument, we would make sure that we get all issues out in the open and not let it be “bottled up” which can lead to a more severe argument in the future. By “bottling up” frustration, an individual is not revealing how he/she feels, keeping feelings to themselves while building up on frustrations and emotions. Then at any given time, a tiny spark will ignite and all emotions come flying out of this bottle, having all hell breaking loose. Therefore, due to the great communication that I share with my girlfriend, feelings are said then and there, which in turn, helps us understand and get to know each other. Through this, we learn what irritates each other, what makes us mad, and what really makes us want to kill each other.
Many people believe that with fighting, a couple can be brought closer together emotionally through resolution. Coming to a compromise after an argument can indicate how much you care for each other. It means you want to make your relationship work. The outcome of an argument or a fight can be viewed as having a negative or positive effect. In the regards to a negative effect, a relationship can be brought to an end. Words could have been exchanged and forgiveness would not have been an option. In regards to a positive aspect, the couple would discover that their argument was petty which would lead to make-up. Making up is usually very sweet and romantic. Couples often tend to behave as if they were in the “honeymoon” stage of their relationship.
Drawing from my own personal experience, my girlfriend and I fight about once every two weeks. Every time we get into an argument, we learn something new from each other, our likes and dislikes. From what we learn through our arguments, we learn to avoid similar and unwarranted situations, which may occur in the future. For example, my girlfriend and I got into an argument because she believed that we were not spending enough time together because I was spending a lot of time with my friends. I believed that our relationship was fine the way it was, but I knew she was unhappy. We fought over this situation, but came up with the compromise that we would set aside certain days for just herself and I. This compromise really worked out for us and we have not argued over anything that had to do with spending time with each other since then. Therefore, this argument was beneficial for us because it brought us to a resolution about feelings my girlfriend was experiencing. Without this argument, to this day, my girlfriend would still be angry with me for spending too much time with my friends and not with her.
In conclusion, we tend to look upon fighting as a negative aspect of a relationship because usually, there is arguing, fighting, and people often tend to get hurt. But, there is an upside to fighting and that is to “make-up”. Eventually fighting comes to an end and can either be viewed as positive or negative. By having a positive effect, couples can learn from each other through compromise and resolution. On the other hand, unfair and unhealthy fighting can ruin a relationship, leaving bitterness and resentment towards the parties involved. In intimate and sexual relationships, fighting helps us understand and get to know each other a little bit better. We learn from each other, which then helps us to prevent similar situations to occur in the future.