something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can’t fool you, any one of
you. It simply isn’t fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be
to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I’m having 100% fun.
Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on
stage. I’ve tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God,
believe me I do, but it’s not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have
affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who
only appreciate things when they’re gone. I’m too sensitive. I need to be
slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I’ve had a much better appreciation for all the people I’ve
known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can’t get over the
frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There’s good in all of
us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too
fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man! Why
don’t you just enjoy it? I don’t know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who
reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every
person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that
terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can’t stand the
thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that
I’ve become.
I have it good, very good, and I’m grateful, but since the age of seven, I’ve
become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for
people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for
people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and
concern during the past years. I’m too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don’t
have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade
away.
Peace, Love, Empathy.
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I’ll be at your altar.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!