q The following suggestions help you to avoid the use of jargon.
1. Use active, not passive forms of verbs. Passive voice is weak and confusing. ?A decision has been reached by the committee? is inferior to ?The committee has reached a decision? Also, readers can sense your evasiveness if you write: ?Your order has been misplaced? instead of ?I misplaced your order.?
2. Avoid circumlocution, in other words always prefer the shorter, simpler expression. Use for example: for not for the purpose of
about not with regard to?
3. Choose the more common, shorter words.
For example: send not forward
end not terminate
go not proceed
q One of the ways to make your paragraphs coherent, read smoothly, and achieve a sense of unity is to use transitional words and phrases. These words serve as road signs which tell your reader here is a conclusion, a contrast, a comparison, an example, a beginning, etc.:
Initially
Therefore
Furthermore
For example
Nevertheless
Above all
On the other hand
Finally
Equally
The followings are standard phrases. They make the letter a professional tone.
The Start (see 2.2. How to address a non-sexist business letter)
The Reference
With reference to your advertisement in the Times, ?
your letter of 23rd March, ?
your phone call today, ?
Thank you for your letter of March 5th.
The Reason for Writing
I am writing to enquire about ? apologise for ? confirm ?
Could you possibly ? ?
I would be grateful if you could ?
Agreeing to Requests
I would be delighted to ?
Giving Bad News
Unfortunately ?
I am afraid that ?
Enclosing Documents
I am enclosing ?
Enclosed you will find ?
Closing Remarks
Thank you for your help
Please contact us again if we can help in any way.
there are any problems.
you have any questions.
The Finish, Reference to Future Contact
I/We look forward to hearing from you soon.
meeting/ seeing you next Tuesday.
receiving your instructions/reply
Please tell us if we can give you any further help
I hope this information will be of use to you
Name and address Salutation Complimentary Close
Southern Airways Ltd. Dear Sirs,
Dear Sir/Madam
To Whom It may Concern Yours faithfully,
Yours truly,
The Marketing Manager Dear Sir,
Sir, Yours faithfully,
Your obedient servant
Ms J.Smith Dear Ms Smith, Yours sincerely,
3.2. Style and tone.
The style we choose will be a compromise between several different elements.
First, it will to some extent reflect our own personalities. This is not to say that we should use too idiosyncratic a style, for we are seeking to project an image not only of ourselves but also of the organisation on whose behalf we may be writing. But an element of originality is desirable. Originality means that the letter will avoid the use of jargon and both impress the reader, and try to meet the reader?s particular needs.
Second, our style, in the choice of vocabulary, sentence structure?., will seek primarily to be comprehensible to the reader. A letter to ratepayers, explaining the need to increase rates, will be phrased in very different terms from a report on the same circulated within the Treasure?s Department.
Third, the style must be suitable to the subject. Formal circumstances, such as debt collection or complaint letters, requires a formal, though not threatening tone. When one is asking a favour, the style will be much more informal, though it should never be allowed to to slip into colloquialisms.
So our style in writing letters will reflect ourselves, our reader?s needs and the demands of the subject matter. But the final aim will be to write well. This does not mean the use of literary flourishes bur of accuracy, brevity and a touch of elegance.
III. What makes a successful business letter.
1. How to write business letters that get results
Failure to get to the point, technical jargon, pompous language, misreading the reader–these are the poor stylistic habits that cause others to ignore the letters we send. Part of the problem is that writers do not know how to write persuasively.
The solution is ?AIDA?, a simple formula lets you cut through jargon and messy language to create straightforward writing that works. AIDA stands for Attention, Interest, Demand, and Action–a sequence of psychological reactions that happen in the mind of the reader as he is sold on your idea. Briefly, here’s how it works.
First, the letter gets the reader’s attention with a hard-hitting lead paragraph that goes straight to the point or offers an element of intrigue.
Then, the letter hooks the reader’s interest. The hook is often a clear statement of the reader’s problems, needs, or wants. For example, if you are writing to a customer who received damaged goods, acknowledge the problem and then offer a solution.
Next, create demand. Your letter is an offer of something–a service, a product, goodwill, an agreement, a contract, a compromise, a consultation. Tell the reader how he or she will benefit from your offering. That creates a demand for your product.
Finally, call for action. Ask for the order, the signature, the donation, the assignment. What follows are actual examples of how each of these steps has been used in business letters.
1.1. Getting attention.
Getting the reader’s attention is a tough job. If your letter is boring, pompous, or says nothing of interest, you’ll lose the reader.
One attention-getting technique used by successful writers is to open with an intriguing question or statement–a “teaser” that grabs the reader’s attention and compels him to read on. Here’s an opening teaser from a letter written by a freelance public-relations writer to the head of a large PR firm:
Is freelance a dirty word to you?
Even if you feel negatively about freelancers, you can’t help but be curious about what follows. And what follows is a convincing argument to hire the writer:
It really shouldn’t be, because in public relations, with its crisis-lull-crisis rhythm, really good freelancers can save you money and headaches. Use them when you need them. When you don’t, they don’t cost you a cent.
Use me. I am a public-relations specialist with more than 20 years’ experience in all phases of the profession. MY SERVICES ARE AVAIL- ABLE TO YOU ON A FREELANCE BASIS….
Another freelance writer succeeded with a more straightforward approach:
Dear Mr. Mann:
Congratulations on your new business. May you have great success and pleasure from it.
I offer my services as a freelance public relations writer specializing in medical and technical subjects….
Here, the writer gets attention by opening with a subject that has a built-in appeal to the reader–namely, the reader’s own business. Most of us like to read about ourselves. And just about everybody would react favorably to the good wishes expressed in the second sentence.
1.2. Hooking interest.
Once having got the reader’s attention, the letter has got to provide a “hook” to create real interest in its subject and keep him reading. This hook is a promise–a promise to solve problems, answer questions, or satisfy needs. The hook is often written in a two- paragraph format: The first paragraph is a clear statement of the reader’s needs, while the second shows how the writer can satisfy these needs. Here’s the hook from a letter written by a job seeker to the vice president of one of the television networks.
To stay ahead, you need aggressive people–willing to take chances. People who are confident, flexible, dedicated. People who want to learn–who are not afraid to ask questions.
I am one of those people–one of the people you should have on your staff. Let me prove it. Start by reading my resume. It shows I can take any challenge and succeed.
What better way to hold someone’s interest than to promise to solve his problems for him?
A principal rule of persuasive writing is: Remember that the reader isn’t interested in you. The reader is interested in the reader. And because we want to hear about ourselves, the following letter was particularly effective in gaining and holding interest:
As you may already know, we have been doing some work for people who have the same last name as you do. Finally, after months of work, my new book, THE AMAZING STORY OF THE BLYS IN AMERICA, is ready for printing and you are in it!
The Bly name is very rare and our research has shown that less than two one-thousandths of one percent of the people in America share the Bly name….
1.3. Creating desire.
Get attention. Hook the reader’s interest. Then create the desire to buy what you’re selling. This is the step where many businesspeople falter. Their corporate backgrounds condition them to write business letters in “corporatese,” so they fill paragraphs with pompous phrases, jargon, cliches, and windy sentences. Here’s a real life example from a major investment firm:
All of the bonds in the above-described account having been heretofore disposed of, we are this day terminating same. We accordingly enclose herein a check in the amount of $22,000, same being your share realised therein, as per statement attached. Notwithstanding the distribution to you of the described amount, you shall remain liable for your proportionate share….
Don’t write to impress–write to express. State the facts, the features, the benefits of your offer in plain, simple English. Give the reader reasons why he or she should buy your product, give you the job, sign the contract, or approve the budget. Create a desire for what you’re offering. Here’s how the manager in charge of manufacturing persuaded the president to sign a purchase order for a $20,000 machine.
I’ve enclosed a copy of my report, which includes an executive summary.
As you can see, even at the low levels of production we’ve experienced recently, the T-1000 Automatic Wire-Wrap Machine can cut production time by 15 percent. At this rate, the machine will pay for itself within 14 months–including its purchase price plus the cost of training operators.
We’ve already discussed the employees’ resistance to automation in the plant. As you know, we’ve held discussion groups on this subject over the past three months. And, an informal survey shows that 80 percent of our technicians dislike manual wire-wrap and would welcome automation in that area.
Benefits are spelled out. Anxieties are eliminated. The reader is given the reasons why the company should buy a T-1000. (And the president signed the order.)
1.4. Calling for action.
Interest has been turned into desire, the reader wants what you’re selling, or at least has been persuaded to see your point of view. Now comes the last step–asking for action.
If you’re selling consulting services, ask for a contract. If you want an interview, ask for it. If you’re writing a fund-raising letter, include a reply envelope and ask for a donation. In short, if you want your letter to get results, you have to ask for them. Here’s a letter from a customer who purchased a defective can of spray paint. Instead of just complaining or venting anger, she explains the problem and asks for a response:
Recently, I purchased a can of your Permaspray spray paint. But when I tried using it, the nozzle broke off. I cannot reattach this nozzle, and the can, though full, will have to be thrown away.
I am sure your product is generally well-packaged; my can was probably a one-in-a-million defect. Would you please send a replacement can of white Permaspray? I would greatly appreciate it.
An exchange of business letters is usually an action-reaction situation. To move things along, determine the action you want your letter to generate and tell the reader about it.
Formulas have their limitations, and you can’t force-fit every letter or memo into the AIDA framework. Short interoffice memos, for example, seldom require this degree of persuasiveness. But when you’re faced with more sophisticated writing tasks–a memo to mot vate the sales force, a mailer to bring in orders, a letter to collect bad debts–AIDA can help. Get attention. Hook the reader’s interest. Create a desire. Ask for action. And your letters will get better results.
2. Secrets of effective business letter.
2.1. Abstract points.
1- A conversation
Think of a sales letter as a conversation with your customer. The most important ingredient in a successful letter is to write it like you?re writing to a friend. Your honesty, enthusiasm, and willingness to help will overcome almost all the other things that can go wrong.
2- Leave your EGO at the door.
Remember, no one really cares about anything, but that which is self-serving to themselves. In other words ?People only care about themselves!?. And it?s human nature so you better understand it if you want to write successful sales letters. If you write a letter that talks about how wonderful YOU are to have created such a great products, the reader will get bored and throw the letter away.
The consumer only wants to know ?What is it going to do for ME!? Thus, if you describe how wonderful their life will be because of their BRILLIANT decision to use your product, positive result is a certain.
3- Be Human
Your letter should read like a conversation. Address the reader by name: ?Dear Ms. Hartman.? And if you can fit it in naturally, use Ms. Hartman?s name in the body. You want her to know the letter is personal. Whenever you can, use pronouns like I, we, and you.
4- Never Write in Anger
Anger will evaporate; a letter won?t. Devise a way to handle problems in an upbeat manner. Your chances of success will multiply tenfold.
5- Manner.
A sales letter can not be too simple – the reader will look down on you. Nor can it be too complicated. People are busy. If they have to work hard to figure out what you have to say, they will just blow you off.
6- Don?t use padding, Clear the Deadwood.
Is has been said that 30 % of the content of business letters is ?deadwood?. Sir William Churchill quoted the following example of padding, of which he strongly disapproved.
Consideration would be given to the possibility of carrying into effect.
Cut words, sentences, and even paragraphs that don?t contribute. Work hard to simplify reader?s job. Be especially careful with adjectives, which can sap strength from your words.
2.2. Concrete points
1- Start From the End
Decide what the result of the letter ought to be. List things you?d like to say, and review them. Remove those not supporting the main idea. Good letters have a strong sense of purpose.
2- Get to the Point Early
Don?t delay. The main cause should be stated in the first paragraph.
3- Put Yourself in the Reader?s Place
If the letter came to you, how would you respond? Be pleasant; try to turn negative statements into positive ones.
4- Say it Plainly
Phrases like ?in compliance with your request? and ?enclosed herewith? are stilted. Write as you talk?naturally. Include just one idea. Sentences longer than two typed lines are suspect.
5- Be Professional
The most well-written letters can?t survive bad presentation. Use a clean, logical format for your letter. A crowded or over-designed page distracts from your message.
6- Care about headline
95% of all sales letters are NOT read, because they lack an effective headline, that promises a benefit important to its reader
7- Don’t forget PS:
Surveys show that the PS: at the end is read *Second* after the headline.
8- Remember to sign your signature in BLUE ink.
9- Promise the benefit.
Tell them about it, give them examples of others who are benefiting, show them how to get it, ask them to order it, and make it easy for them to get it
Stress benefits rather than features. How do the features of your service or product improve the customer’s life, work, or pocketbook. The benefits of your offer may be obvious to you, but don’t leave it up to the reader to figure them out, no matter how obvious they may seem. Stress benefits. Link them to the features your offer.
Sales letters can be a wonderfully personal way to introduce people to your product, service, organization, or idea. By using some of the ideas and formulas I’ve mentioned above, you can produce sizzling sales letters that produce results.
10- End With an Action Step
The end of a letter should suggest the reader?s next move, or your own. Don?t write distracting closings like: ?Again, thank you for . . .? or ?If you have problems, please don?t hesitate to call.? Close with a simple ?Sincerely,? and your signature; it may be a perfect ending.
3. More for sales letters.
1. Tell a story. It’s hard to resist reading a story, especially if it sounds like someone who has a situation similar to our own. People love success stories when they tell us how to get success ourselves. “Six months ago my company was downsized and I found myself out of a job. I expected the worst. Then I heard about the XXX Company. Now I’m an independent agent making three times what I did on my old job. And I’ll never be downsized again!”