It is evident that divorce will have an effect on all children involved. It may not effect all children in the same way, or to the same degree of severity. Some people may even argue about how much blame can be placed on the events of divorce for the troubles that the children endure. Even so, one can t walk away from a non-violent marriage and think, This is good for the kids. I would like to say that there is one very important action that parents can take to help their children throughout the years that follow the divorce. Be there for them. Spend as much time with them as possible, more time than you did prior to the divorce. Children of divorce need extra support, comfort, care and attention. There is no magical solution for getting children through this process unscathed, but one should remember to put them first. And let them keep their childhood.
In Judith Wallerstein s book The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, she followed a group of chlidren of divorce for 25 years. She ended her book with a toast, given by the best man, at the wedding of one of the children in her study. I decided to end my paper with it, for it touched me deeply.
To many here today it feels strange to find that one of us is getting married. It s strange because we are a generation of cynical children when it comes to marriage. We came of age during a time when divorce became an acceptable alternative. Ultimately this is good. But the effect on us is one of caution, of skepticism. It s an outdated institution. Why be burdened? But while we were uttering these cynicisms, we were privately nurturing the hope that we could rediscover and experience the romantic and very profound magic that we had heard existed in a far-off time–to see marriage through innocent eyes. But we didn t realize it s not about innocence. It s about realism, about seeing what s really there and not deluding ourselves with false expectations. Ironically, the wonderful thing about growing up in the Age of Divorce is that we have learned so much. It s been very painful but we learned. So we look for signals. When one of our friends tells us he s getting married, we look for signals to assess his chances. Well, I got a signal this morning. As the bride stepped out of the door, I caught my breath. I felt a lump in my throat and I leaned against the car for support. I was stunned. She was so beautiful. But it wasn t just physical beauty. As Elizabeth walked behind Michael, he turned slowly and took her hand. I felt that calm electricity that happens when it s right–the thing, whatever it is, that doesn t happen unless it s basically right. And I paused to appreciate the knowledge that our cynical generation has gained. And I choked back tear. We re okay, Michael and Elizabeth. Speak the truth to each other and be happy (316).
Works Cited
Axinn, William G., and Arland Thorton. The Influence of Parents Marital Dissolutions on Children s Attitudes Toward Family Formation . Demography v. 3 Feb. 1996. 66-81. Wilson Select Plus. 29 Nov. 2000.
Furstenberg, Frank F., and Andrew J. Cherlin. Divided Families. Cambridge, Massachusetts: Harvard University Press, 1991.
Galston, William A. Divorce American Style . The Public Interest no124. 12-26. Wilson Select Plus. 29 Nov. 2000.
Growth of Shared Parenting . 11 Dec. 2000. .
Kitson, Gay C., and William M. Holmes. Portrait of Divorce. New York: The Guilford Press, 1992.
Wallerstein, Judith S. et al. The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce. New York: Hyperion, 2000.
Zinner, Roz. Joint Physical Custody: Smart Solution or Big Problem? . Divorce Helpline. 12 Dec. 2000. .
Zinsmeister, Karl. Divorce s Toll on Children . The American Enterprise v. 7 May/June 1996. 39-44.