133.You and your wife celebrate your anniversay at the K-mart cafeteria.
134.You think the only tools “real men” need are duck tape and caulk, and you have sucessful
repair projects to prove it.
135.You’ve tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy and screwed it up.
136.You name your car the General Lee.
137.You see a sign that says “bridge out” and you try to jump it.
138.You go to your local pet shop for a cat scan.
139.Warp drive describes the condition of your car.
140.Your smoke detector doubles as your dinner bell.
141.You go to the dentist for a “Tooth Cleaning”.
142.You pull up to a gas station in a limo to buy a can of Skoal.
143.Your boyfriend gives you car parts for your birthday, and you like it.
144.Coons get into everyone else’s trash but yours.
145.When you say, “Let’s hit the hay,” you actually MEAN it.
146.You can feed a family of five on ONE McDonald’s Extra Value Meal.
147.Your kids LIKE the Arch Deluxe hamburger at McDonalds.
148.You think the tobacco companies have done nothing wrong.
149.You *have* a clawfoot bathtub.
150.You’ve ever been arrested for bootleggin’.
151.You spell out NASCAR in Christmas lights.
152.Your idea of good fishing involves the use of a boat, a net and dynamite.
153.Burger King won’t let you do it your way, right away.
154.You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can’t remember your wifes
birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary.
155.You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can’t remember how old
your children are.
156.Your idea of going to see a play involves goal posts.
157.You think a computer hacker carries an axe.
158.You keep a chainsaw in the trunk “just in case”.
159.You’ve given your gun a woman’s name.
160.Baling wire and a pair of pliers are what you consider high tech tools.
161.You go to the post office to research your family tree.
162.You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it
for your spit can.
163.You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.
164.Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.
165.You see a forest fire and think ‘Bar-bee-Q’.
166.You’ve ever strained your tea through a flyswatter.
167.Your mother is hairier than your father.
168.Instead of flossing you use a plunger.
169.You take the back window out of your pickup because it’s easier to chuck the empty beer
cans in the back that way.
170.When the back fills up with empty beer cans, you get another pickup and start all over again.
171.Your grandma can bench press a truck axle.
172.You watch “The Dukes Of Hazzard” and have to find someone to explain it to you.
173.Your mom kisses you goodnight and you go to school the next day and say you’ve met your
future wife.
174.When your wife walks in front of you it looks like two pigs fighting in a gunny sack.
175.Your only excuse for smelling bad is it runs in the family.
176.Your favorite fruit is chicken.
177.You think those yellow traffic signs that say “Slow children at play” means the kids in the area
are not too bright.
178.At least one of the kitchen appliances on your front porch is more than forty years old.
179.You think “Country & Western” covers both types of music.
180.You’ve ever used a hangnail as a tooth pick.
181.You can chew your own toenails.
182.You’ve ever used an inner-tube patch on your jeans.
183.You want the opening day of deer hunting season to be declared a national holiday.
184.Someone knocks on your front door and your back door rattles.
185.You let goldenrod grow in your yard because it looks so pretty.
186.You’ve ever absent-mindedly nibbled on your live bait . . . and didn’t spit it out.
187.Your best Sunday clothes include your John Deere baseball cap.
188.You go to a wedding or any formal party and ask someone to pull your finger.
189.Your friend tells you he went online last night, and you think he took a drunk driving test.
190.Your mama has more tattoos than you do.
191.You think the ATM machine is a giant, public calculator.
192.Your favorite cologne smells like exhaust.
193.The fire department leaves after discovering that the fire that destroyed y.
194.You think its okay to have your 6 year old babysit your 5, 4, and 3 year o.
195.Your dog’s shots are up to date but your children’s aren’t.
196.You use the water in your toilet to bob for apples.
197.Your whole family sleeps in the same bed.
198.You consider your annual bath one too many.
199.You wore a baseball cap to the MET opera.
200.If you are 20 and you can still go in McDonald’s playhouse.
201.If you think Purina is some kind of Ex-Lax.
202.You’ve ever given a set of Tupperware ice tea glasses as a wedding present.
203.Your dungarees expose more than half of your crack in the back because the weight of your
pocket knife.
204.Your idea of heaven involves two shotguns and a keg of beer.
205.You picket your horses on your lawn so you won’t have to mow it.
206.You’re wearing a camoflauge jacket and dipping in your driver’s license pic.
207.You stop to flirt with the person running the drive through at McDonalds. You save old
kitchen appliances for target practice.
208.You save old kitchen appliances for children’s Christmas presents.
209.You get up EARLY on Saturday to go yard sale shopping for entertainment.
210.Your gun cabinet takes up half your living room.
211.Anytime your kids see a dog they get out their ropes and lasso it and tackle it to the ground.
212.Your master bathroom has the words “porta” and “potty” written on the side.
213.You can’t take a bath in the winter ’cause the stream is frozen.
214.You only bathe when it rains.
215.You think “Dueling Banjos” is classical music.
216.You refer to the Surgeon General’s Warning on a pack of cigarettes as your medical
encyclopedia.
217.You go to garage sales to shop for Christmas gifts.
218.You’re 42 and still have clowns come to your birthday party.
219.You think ‘possum is the “other white meat”.
220.Your husband spray paints the upholstery of your car to make it look new.
221.You can identify your friends by the sound of their mufflers.
222.You think OFF is a fine smelling cologne.
223.You put a Clapper on your headlights.
224.You need a dictionary to spell your name.
225.You don’t change your socks until the first pair rots off.
226.People ask your wife when her baby’s due and she’s not pregnant.
227.Your driveway is two tire tracks with grass growing down the middle.
228.You’ve ever invited friends over to show off what’s left of the squirrel that you shot with your
deer gun.
229.You have more tires in your yard than on your trucks.
230.The idea for the Budweiser frogs came from listening to you and your friends trying to read
the label on the bottle.
231.Duct tape and wire are the only two things holding your truck together.
232.Your bumper sticker reads “If you’re missing your cat, look in my treads.”
233.You think the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.
234.You’ve ever parked your date next to a YIELD sign hoping she’d take the hint.
235.Your kids learned to shoot before they learned to walk.
236.You place a classified asking less than $1.
237.You think the freeway is the back door of the movie theater.
238.Higher math means counting over 10.
239.The lake has to be restocked after you take a bath.
240.You have a lucky rabbit’s foot in your pocket and a lucky rabbit nailed above your fireplace.
241.You re-use dental floss to save money.
242.You’ve ever drunk mouthwash just because you’re too lazy to walk down to the liquor store.
243.Your homecoming basketball game was rained out.
244.Your baseball bat “ain’t never been used on a ball, but it’s sure hit plenty of other things.”
245.You’ve ever shot a mouse inside your home.
246.Anybody in your family has ever taken a gun into the zoo.
247.Learning to count on your fingers was hard because everybody in your family has a different
number.