Fathers and their sons
Fathers have big impact on their sons as they grow up as well. When a boy begins growing into a man the one person from he should receive information from on sex should be his father. Once a boy hits puberty his body begins to change in many different ways. Most of these changes are specific to males only therefore a young man needs to feel that he can talk to his father about these things because it is not something he wants to talk to his mother about. Fathers also need to be there to help boys get their aggression out. “Wrestling and roughhousing with dad provide the fist healthy outlet for rage and aggression. Anderson, p3″ If a boy sees that he can take his aggression out while playing with his dad it helps later life to associate that aggression with a good time, therefore causing him not to fly off the handle all of the time when he gets angry. Fathers also need to be there so boys can ask their fathers questions. A boy has so many thoughts and ideas running through his mind. Who better to ask these questions than man he looks at with so much respect, daddy. Fathers are a child’s link to the outside world. “… father is the model for the outside world. Anderson, 2″ If a boy does not have his father there, the only view he will have of the outside world is the view of a woman. No boy should be forced to suffer through that. He should be able to view the world through a man, his father. As young men progress into older adolescence they feel as though they know everything. A good father will not let this bother him, and should not make it a constant point of argument. This is because when the teenager gets older he will realize how smart his dad really was.
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.
Mark Twain. Anderson,137″
What Mark Twain said is so true. Many men realize that their father is much smarter than he used to be. This usually happens around age 30. That should give the father of a teenager to look forward to.
Fathers in the home
The only way a father can be an effective father is if he is present at home. Today to many fathers are not there as much as they should be. They find work or something else to take precedence in their life. Farrar chooses to include the following point in his book. “Men are generally more careful of the breed of their horses and dogs then of their children. William Penn, p199″ This shows how some could really care less about their children. Generally speaking the men that put something before their children were involved in that activity before they became a father and after having children they did not discontinue the activity. These fathers did not realize that now they have a very special activity that they need to be involved in at home. If children today are not being taught at home by dad, then who are they being taught by. Some of the absence of fathers can be traced back to when factories became present. “When factories became the source of income men had to leave home, thus greatly diminishing their ability to influence their sons. Farrar, p40″ The point Farrar makes here is a notable point. Before factories were the source of income, farms were the source of income. Every day the father would get up and go work in the field all day till it was dark. He never once left the property except for when he had to get something for the farm. Every night he was home to eat dinner and spend time with his kids. His kids would also help him so from time to time they were able to work side by side with their father and learn directly from him. When factories became the source of income, fathers would get up in the morning and go to the factory they were not at home anymore. Instead of having to come in when it got dark they would turn on the lights in the factory and then the fathers could work late into the night. After this came a trend of fathers not being able to home for dinner all of the time. There were days when kids did not even get to see their father. The kids also did not get to go and work with their dad. Only factory workers were allowed in the factories. The factory caused many problems with men being good fathers. A lot of men feel that they need to make a lot of money to be a good father, yet this is not true. The thing fathers need to distribute most is love. In his book Tender Warrior, Stu Weber comments that men lose the focus of being a father and focus on making money. “To many guys squander their vision-and then wonder why they lose their families. Weber, p25″ To make the money men are not at home they are at the office working 16 hour days going many days without seeing their children. Their focus is in the wrong place. “We focus myopically on houses and cars and stock portfolios and bank accounts and piling up stuff. Weber, p24″ Instead fathers having there focus on making sure there children get to heaven and follow God they have their focus on earthly possessions. The fathers’ focus needs to be at home. A question every father needs to ask himself is this: “how can I manage my career goals so that I am available to my children? Weber, p29″ High school is one of the most important times for any child and all fathers need to know that. Fathers need to know that their kids love it when their dad is able to watch them play or is at home in the evening os they can talk to him if they need to. Some fathers have this thought that if they are away making that their kids will love them for the things they have and will be happy that they have all of these worldly possessions. This is not true, most kids that are given a lot of things are found to be always wanting more. They are never satisfied with what they have. The thing they need the most is to know that their father cares about them and that he loves them and that is what they are not getting. Another pattern that has been seen is that if a child has a hard time connecting with his earthly father then the child will also have a hard time connecting with their heavenly father, God. This relationship is more important than any other relationship on earth but to often children are deterred from a good relationship with God because the relationship they have with their dad was not good. This is not to say that they cannot have a relationship with God, it is just harder for them to relate it to something in their life. People like to relate things to other things that are going on in their life. If they have no earthly father to relate their heavenly father to, then they are lost. Farrar is quoted in his book as saying “We’re all selfish. Farrar, p195″ He saying this to say that as fathers men are selfish to often they are thinking of themselves instead of their family. This is especially evident when a father is working long hours so that he can have all of the toys he wants but his children suffer because there dad is not there. This is why families are dying. “Families are dying all over America. They are dying on my street and on yours. Farrar, p23″ This is a particularly good point that Farrar makes. Families are dying because there is no father at home to teach his children especially his son how to be parents. They are also dying because there is not male role model. Why does one hear of soccer moms and not soccer dads? Should not the father be the one taking the kids to the soccer games and what not as well. However to often all that is heard about is the mom. In sports how often are professional players seen looking into the camera and saying “hi dad?” Not to often. Ninety-nine percent of the time a professional player says “hi mom.” Why is that? Would one not think that the greatest influence in an athletes life would be his father but to frequently it is the mother. The following statistics can somewhat relate to this.
➊ One-third of American children are not living with their natural fathers.
➋ Over fifteen million kids are growing up in homes without any father.
➌ Seventy percent of men in prison grew up with out a father.
(Farrar, p57)
These statistics show the problems there are with fathers today. As the first statistic shows there is a large percentage of kids in America that live with their stepfather. This is not necessarily a bad thing but in some cases it is. There are many stepfathers that are better fathers than a child’s natural father. On the other hand there are also many stepfathers that treat their stepchildren like crap. One reason is, the stepfather is thrown into a position of being a father almost over night. The following is an example of how one might become a step father.
John and Karen have been married for 10 years. Over these ten years they have had three kids: Bob, George and Cathy. Bob is 12, George is 10 and Cathy is six. John and Karen’s marriage is not a happy one. Every day John goes to work and he comes home to find the house a mess. He and Karen have an argument almost every night either about the cleanliness of the house or some other petty thing. One day John comes home from work and finds that he cannot get in the house. Karen has changed the locks. After Karen and John talk through this Karen asks John for a divorce and in a few months Karen is divorced and she gets custody of the kids because the mom always does. A few months go by and Karen meets Joe. Karen and Joe hit it off pretty well and they start dating. Pretty soon they decide to get married. They get married probably about a year after Karen’s divorce from John. So, that means that Bob is now 13, George is now 11 and Cathy is now seven. Joe is now overnight the stepfather of a teenage boy and another boy that is almost a teen. He also is the stepfather of a young girl. Now John has to compete with Joe for time with his kids.”
This story is a fictional story. However, there are many stories like this in America today. Fathers are being replaced by stepfathers who feel they need to take the father role. This okay if the natural father wishes to not take a fatherly role, but if he does he should not feel that he is competing with another man for his kid’s attention. The stepfather should allow the natural father to participate in his kid’s life in the natural way and not try to create problems all of the time. In the above story Joe becomes a father overnight, this is something God did not intend to happen overnight. God planned it so that men would have time to prepare to be a father, he gave nine months from the time the mother found out she was pregnant to the time she has the child. When a man marries a woman that already has kids he does not go through this time in the same manner. Yes, he does spend time getting to know the kids before he and their mom get married, but it is not the same thing. God made kids to have their natural fathers as their father. Nonetheless if a natural father is not willing to step up and be there for his kids than it is very admirable of a stepfather to fill that void. As previously stated, there are many instances when a stepfather had a greater influence on a child’s life than the child’s natural father. Fathers need to be there for their kids, both physically and mentally.
Fathers as spiritual leaders
God has called the fathers in the family to be spiritual leaders not the mothers. Throughout the Bible the example was the father as head of the home not the mother. This where the father as spiritual leader comes in. The father being the spiritual leader ties into the previous topic in that in order to be a spiritual leader the father needs to be home. Fathers should lead their families in weekly Bible studies and should make sure that there children are getting into the scriptures. If the fathers do not do this who will? However, the family Bible study cannot be a long time because the children’s attention is needed to make sure they know what God wants.
“ The one key word to family Bible devotions is brevity. Children can’t be expected to comprehend and appreciate lengthy adult spiritual activities. Four or five minutes devoted to one or two Bible verses, followed by a short prayer, usually represents the limits of attention during the preschool years. To force young children to comprehend eternal truths in an eternal devotional can be eternally dangerous.
Dobson, p37″
In his book Dr. Dobson Answers Your Questions, Dr. James Dobson says the previous statement to get parents to realize that trying to keep a younger child’s attention can be harmful to their spiritual life. Fathers need to be in the home have family devotionals, but they do not need to be suffocating there kids. One would not think that he or she could get to much God, however at a young age it can be harmful. If a father forces his children to sit and be still for long periods of time then they will become bored and not want to do that. To often fathers can be found doing this with home devotionals. Instead of making it a fun time where everyone is enjoying themselves it becomes a time of hassle for the parents to try and keep their children quiet and still. If parents of younger children would approach the family devotional with a more open attitude that says fun instead of harsh learning then the kids would get more out of it and so would the parents. Also, if a child has a bad experience with family devotionals at a young age then they can possibly have spiritual problems at an older age. This is because they are associating something bad with God. Although this child may not realize it in the back of their mind every time God is brought it up it triggers the past and makes them think about the bad time whether they want to or not. So, to avoid that problem fathers need to make sure family devotional time is encouraging to the whole family. Another spiritual leadership role that a father should take is one in the church. A good Christian father needs to make sure that he is an active member of his church. Not just for him but for his kids as well. What better church leader for a child to have than his own dad. Fathers need to make sure that they are present at church and that in his family church attendance is required. A father also needs to make sure that while he is at church he is singing and praying and taking whatever opportunities he can to show his children how a Christian should be. This is not only at church but in every aspect of life. This is especially important at church because there needs to be a certainty that the church will not die out when the present generation dies. If fathers pass on the habit to their kids then the habit will continue for generations. However, to often fathers take a back row leadership at church. Instead of stepping up and doing what needs to be done they sit and wait for someone to come tell them what needs to be done. Fathers need to be men that will step up and go out their way to make sure all of the Lord’s work is being done. If a father does this then his children will definitely view as one of the most spiritual people they know. That is more important than one may think. A pole was taken of about forty teenagers. The pole asked one simple question: Who is the most spiritual man you know? Now take in mind that this pole was taken at church of about six-hundred. Most of the kids who were poled have fathers that attend that church. Out of the forty kids poled only about four said their father. There is something wrong with that. Fathers need to be the most spiritual men that their kids know. If a father is not the most spiritual man, he needs to do some serious life altering. A good father is the most spiritual man that his kids know. Fathers are the spiritual leaders in the home. If a father is not the spiritual leader in his home then something is wrong. One way a father can be a good a spiritual leader is by making sure there is time set apart every week to spend with God.